R-O-C-K me again: my favourite & horniest One Direction lyrics.
In the very very very first verse of One Direction’s very second single, Gotta Be You, Liam Payne sings something so astonishing that it has kept me awake at night since the first time I heard it.
And girl what a mess I made upon your innocence, and no woman in the world deserves this…” One Direction… making a mess upon MY innocence? Guys…. buy me a nice dinner first! It doesn’t help that lyric right before this, Liam declares himself the foolish one I anointed with my heart, clumsily stumbling into a biblical metaphor. This song is doing so much before the chorus even kicks in.
In the grand scheme of the horny-to-Christian-youth rating, Gotta Be You is bottom tier. It’s not really about sex, Kelly-Osborne-in-the-sense-that it more resembles a Shakespearean tragedy. Like the swoopy-haired teenage boy in Advanced English class who has opinions on The Smiths and then took a girl who only does General Maths to the Year 10 formal. Ugh.
If Gotta Be You is getting a PG13+ rating, I couldn’t help but wonder what One Direction songs were the horniest, a sentence that on paper sounds insane. I’ve asked friends and family this question, and they’ve looked at me like I’m asking to commit a crime. But I took journalism classes, and I know that when you set out to tell a story, you don’t stop even when there are naysayers. So. Without further discussion, 5 of my favourite One Direction lyrics that I believe say the most about sex and also maybe say something about myself in the process.
They are in no particular order because how could I rank them? Please enjoy.
“And when we get together (yeah get together) don’t let the pictures leave your phone.” - Live While We’re Young
Ahhhhh to be in one of the biggest boy bands of our time, hooking up with girls on the road and getting them to sign NDAs. Living while we are young indeed!!!
This song objectively isn’t sexy. It’s too Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging. It sounds like a song a fake band would sing in a movie, complete with The Clash rip-off and all. But this one bar sticks out to me because it’s probably the most realistic thing One Direction has ever said. At the time of release, it was 2012 and we were two years shy of the celebrity iCloud phone leak. It makes sense to me that One Direction would explicitly tell their fans, “hey, please don’t Snapchat this”
“Going out tonight - changes into something red. Her mother doesn't like that kind of dress. Everything she ever had, she’s showing off.” - Night Changes
Picture this: I’m 20 years old. I’m in a shared dorm at the University of Maryland. I like to go on Twitter and Instagram and if my timeline is correct, I’m days away from losing my virginity. I went on this trip to “find myself” and I keep a list on my notes-app of every person I have kissed during this 7 months stint away from home. I would write small comments about each smoocher… many of them just say “a girl!!!!” We don’t have time to unpack that right now….)
I watch the Night Changes video for the first time, go onto tumblr, reblog a gif of Zayn Malik and wrote in the tags “#now I am a woman.” God I miss tumblr tags so much.
There is not much more I can say about this one. It’s just HOT okay!!!! Is it problematic in a virginity-is-a-social-construct way? Yep yep yep. Does it continue the (largely racist) narrative that Zayn Malik is some dark-and-brooding-bad-boy whose one objective is being a toxic boyf? YES. No further questions, please.
“Under the moonlight as we stared at the sea
The words you whispered I will always believe…I want you to rock me, mmm, rock me, mmm, rock me, yeah. I want you to rock me, mmm, rock me, mmm, rock me yeah. I want you to hit the pedal heavy metal show me you care. I want you to rock me (etc etc).” - Rock Me.
One Direction fully R-O-C-Ked with this one. Rock Me is from One Direction’s second album Take Me Home, and upsettingly the only song from the album produced by Dr. Luke. Not to get all “Katy Perry on Call Her Daddy” but a tune is a tune. What did One Direction think they were doing with “Rock me” as a verb here? What is ‘Rock Me” supposed to tell us about the author, the artist, the ideology? If not sexual, what is Rock Me?
The more egregious part of this song is the “do you remember Summer 09” refrain. Like, Harry do YOU? You were a child!!! Which makes Dr. Luke’s creation of this sex metaphor all the more cooked. But a tune is a tune!
“Little black dress who you doin’ it for?” - Little Black Dress
& “You say you’re a good girl, but I know you would girl.” - Little White Lies
Is it illegal to marry two songs at once? Or is it more illegal that One Direction decided to have two very similar sounding songs, with similar titles on Midnight Memories. This isn’t even the first time they have done this - I Want and I Wish are both different songs on Up All Night. Guys, get a thesaurus please!
The premise is simple: boy sees girl, boy wants to talk to girl. Done. In the execution though… we have Louis + Harry objectifying a woman, asking if she is there alone and then saying that she is only wearing her clothes to get male attention. I don’t love it but it’s hard to ignore the impact of Little Black Dress in the One Direction “sex sells” songs. Personally for me, I’m more infatuated with the Little White Lies line. Call me a prude I guess but I don’t want a young Niall Horan asking me what I’m wearing!
all lyrics from No Control
I’m not kidding, this song alone needs a parental warning. This song is for the streets. This song is the best Louis has sounded. This song is acquainted with my Satisfyer Pro 2 very well. This song according to Genius.com, a trusted source, “is of a particularly sexual nature when compared with the band’s other songs.” This song makes me feel like that one gif of Ben Feldman from The Mindy Project.
Honourable mentions:
Change Your Ticket -
This is every Wattpad girl's dream!!! I love this song!!! It’s not even a sex fantasy as it is boyfriend-roleplay!!! I’m kicking my feet and giggling just thinking about it.
Stockholm Syndrome -
Harry Styles says this song is about being with a “nympho.” So like. Yeah. That’s what it is. It says a lot about this song’s impact that the solo members of One Direction have performed Stockholm Syndrome independently. It’s just too good.
Temporary Fix -
Horny Niall hive rise up!! This only doesn’t make the top list because it feels like a less-good No Control and Made In The Am did not have as much staying power as FOUR. Sorrrrry.